GRRRRRRRR

I couldn't help myself when I filled my car with petrol today - I berated the little man behind the BP counter regarding the excessively high cost of petrol. I asked the few people in the forecourt if they were happy with the petrol price and surprise, surprise they had no opinion on the matter - SHEEP!! You wouldn't know it but the Kiwi dollar is at a 23 year high trading at 74 cents against the US, so why is it that our petrol prices are $1.52 a litre and only 1 cent a litre cheaper than this time last year?

Unfortunately, the NZ public is generally financially illiterate and consumers get ripped off blindly as a result. Now the Labour Govt may impose a 10 cent a litre petrol tax for the Auckland Region - the average JAFA of course accepts this - when are they going to wake up? Don't they realise that Aucklanders contribute more than 40% of the tax and have had little back in the way of infratructure spending.

So the leader of the Green Party announces that the new petrol tax will go into Auckland's public transport system and NOT into roading. Well, Aucklanders voted this Government in, they will get what they deserve, unfortunately the rest of us (a minority) will have to campaign extremely hard at the next election to rid the socialist lefties out!!

Barking Mad or Maybe Not?

One of my colleagues (I call her Fifi in that many people can be categorised into dog breeds - you get my drift) was complaining recently that she was running out of room on her belt to clip entry cards etc. The reason I later found out was that she has a bag alarm which attaches to her belt and sits inside her purse. If the two come apart a resounding 140 decibals screams out at you.

Now Fifi one lunchtime goes to the only exclusive department store we have in town to spend and does she spend!!!!! This day, she went to pay for an item and accidentally forgot to turn off the alarm - you guessed it the sucker went off!!!!! Maybe the alarm was a gift from her husband - not as a mugger deterrant but as a shopping deterrant - hmmmm maybe not. The thing is Fifi is going quietly deaf and we all may laugh at this but seriously this alarm is going to set off a lot. Come to think of it, this may be the cause of her deafness.

We all have no idea why she insists on this little device, we live in a fairly safe city - I mean it's not Liverpool or Rio and Fifi usually walks around with a crocodile leather bag and that thing is enough to seriously concuss the best mugger. I intend on having a bit of fun with this in the future!!!!

ANZAC Day

I attended the Devonport memorial service today along with hundreds of other locals. It seems to be a growing tradition not only in the area but throughout the country. As the war veterans and RSA members paraded down the mainstreet they did so to clapping and cheers as they followed the army and navy and navy band. Stirring stuff which brings tears to the eyes.

It is interesting but hardly surprising that until very recently, our (right wing) local MP, Wayne Mapp, has never been formally invited as a guest. Wayne's wife, Denese, attended the service on his behalf. The local area is a very liberal, socialist leaning demographic hence the heavy presence of Labour MP's. My English teacher for a few years was the representative Labour MP - an ultra socialist feminazi and a raving lesbian. The key to succeeding in her classes was of course to write essays that she wanted to hear - even though it was the complete opposite to what I believed in - you do what you have to do sometimes.

My faux pax for the day of course, was to greet Denese with a kiss and proceed to discuss the left wing tossers not realising that raving lesbian, socialist, feminist No. 1 was standing right behind me. I got a "look" but delivered one back - Labour MP's generally have no class and Denese has this in truck loads.

The service ended and the RSA was full to brimming with guests, veterans, navy, army etc - the rest of us fought for a table and a latte. I have to confess I don't eat or drink in this area often as the lap dogs and feminazi drive me nuts - but hey it's all in the name of peace!!

Trading-in Spouses

What is it about men and their mid-life crisis? So far this week, I have come across two 50 something males who are showing severe signs of this. The first guy has bought himself a seriously fast, seriously sexy (and seriously expensive) fast car, ditched his partner and now about to marry a young(ish????) Chinese girl. The other guy, a doctor, has traded in his ex for a younger version (complete with pre-schooler).

So are 50 something males moving on because their ex is:

• a nag
• boring and unadventurous
• fat and/or ugly (probably both)
• all of the above and they can't face the next 50 years staring at the same landscape

So does this tell me that women go through something similar in the way of a mid-life crisis. I don't think so. They seem to indulge in a boob job, liposuction and major botox treatment. Really its like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted - Why Bother Now???? I ask.

It will be interesting to see when the time comes which way my friends will go. Hmm the seriously fast car has good options though - pity about the overall package - oops who said that?

"Jumbo" Jets Please

Once again the topic of obese passengers travelling on airlines has arisen. There is nothing worse than sitting beside a huge, overweight, obese or whatever you want to call it passenger. Most airlines do not care about the size of their passengers and if they overflow into their neighbour's seat that's their problem. I travelled from Heathrow to Auckland with two very large women behind me. They took turns on this longhaul flight of standing in the aisle so the other could have more room. From a safety perspective and for other passengers' comfort this should not have been allowed. What I want to know is how the heck they fit into those tiny toilet cubicles. Maybe airlines could do a toilet test - if you fit in comfortably (and that doesn't mean a squeeze or holding your breath or worse) you get on the plane. Oh the joys of flying cattle class and the problem is only going to get bigger!!

Let's Move On

The New Zealand Herald reports day after day about police misconduct. Allegations brought by women which happened 20 years ago. The ex/policemen have been trialled, some jailed and an inquest carried out on the police organisation. The public are tired of reading about the wrong doings of only a few officers when the organisation has thousands of hard working police who genuinely try to do the best job they can. The Herald have succeeded in bringing about public mistrust in the police and an even lower morale amongst the police themselves. Please move on and report on something constructive such as the dictatorial leanings of the PM. Remember who brought these issues about in the first place - a perfectly timed smoke screen and it's working on Joe Public superbly.

TradesMen Behaving Badly

I'm totally familiar with tradesmen working on my house, most of them have been reasonable and efficient in their work - some have even done a great job!!! But the tradesman working here at the moment is a right pain in the a..e!! So to all tradesmen out there who need to know tradesmen etiquette - here are a few tips:

• Don't talk for hours about nothing - especially when we don't understand you and only grasp one in every 10 words!!
• Keep out of the drawers - I am speechless about this one!!!!!
• Don't analyse your clients - if we appear to be in a bad mood - we damn well are and you have just made it worse by being there
• Dirty black handprints on painted walls is a no, no - especially when we tell you to be careful
• Keep your dogs locked in the car or better still at home. We do not want to walk in the gate with a dog baring its teeth
• Do not leave long winded and garbled messages on the answerphone - one is sufficient but four or five is damn well annoying - take it to your ex-wives!!
• And most importantly, do not take your troubles about your client to their mother/husband/boyfriend - they will never take your side anyway!!!